I am not a racist. I am mortally fearful of the hijras cum thugs of Bangalore and feel sorry for the Cherry Blossom hued of Chennai. But I do not discriminate against South Indians and respect them as much as the kaisa dajiba Marathis or the e churi ba Biharis. Of late, however, I have chanced upon a legitimate reason to be cross with them.
Facebook is an integral part of our lives. As the ultimate channel of utter frivolousness, it fills the huge void left in our lives by "stare out of your windows into the clear skies and think of flowers". It offers countless time-killer apps, innumerable hot chick pics and most importantly a chance to discreetly and legally satisfy the voyeur in us day in and day out. One of the primary means to facilitate this indiscriminate voyeurism of course is the universality of language. The predominant language on Facebook for most Indian users has been English. Desi-fied and fransip English sometimes, but English all the same. I might be wrong, but seldom do Bengali or Marathi users resort to their respective regional languages for communication on Facebook. South Indians (and this refers to people living in the bottom 1/5th part of India, also known as Madrasis without any loss of generality) , however are blatant violators of this unsaid principle.
Sample this:
Random South Indian Friend's Facebook Status: "today was an interesting day ;) "
21 friends like this
Comments :
Random South Indian Friend's Classmate: "wat happnd girl ?"
Random South Indian Friend's Hot Friend: "it dfntly was ;-) "
Random South Indian Friend's Classmate: "say na"
Random South Indian Friend: "haha, kp guessin girlies :) "
Random South Indian Friend Desperate Guy Acquaintance: "wat happened dear.pls tell me also"
Random South Indian Friend Best Friend: "wat is dis abt huh ?"
Random South Indian Friend: "@Random South Indian Friend Best Friend: u knw very well abt dis ;-)"
Random South Indian Friend Best Friend: "i dont dear. tel me tel me fast :-)"
Random South Indian Friend: Ok here it is .. actually .. nama hugtly gama tulu chnata ni Raja nu kis il illa chippa nisu. So Reena senma hittu ja ra fafi lika illa lulla pilla chund. galla ulla tala pilla hara nela gela tam. chintanu ghumni justunnani dhunfa hijja tuy ra. :P .. and then unfr thunda fugga thuank kigga nu. :) :) :) "
Random South Indian Friend's Best Friend: ":)"
Random South Indian Friend:";-)"
Random South Indian Friend's Classmate: "wow .. awesome !"
Random South Indian Friend: "hehe"
............
I trust that I have driven home the point I am trying to make by the above illustration. Now you can very well argue that any Facebook user can use Google Translator or for that matter just simply ask the concerned user for an English translation. However, both those options violate the basic principles on which rest the Facebook culture which promises to all users, voyeurism through minimal effort and absolute anonymity. A substantial proportion of South Indian Facebook users have been found guilty of such practices which have considerably harmed the usability of Facebook. It is for this reason that there has been no love lost between me and South Indian Facebook users. As a non-racist, I have a come up with a most fair suggestion of banning all South Indian Facebook users for life. Such a step will be for the general good of all Facebook users and ipso facto all of humanity.
P.S: Don't try Google Translator on the South Indian comment above. You will realize that if I knew shit about the language I wouldn't be complaining about it.
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